Shattered Beings
That wish to leave you know? To not be able to think of spending another day being alive and having sense of who you exactly are...it happens.
It happens when you see there's just no way out and even though there might be one, or two, or many; your vision is limited and your head blanked out and all you can think of is giving up, not wanting to breath because even inhaling fresh air hurts. You feel tired, you feel sick. You feel like nothing's going to be the same anymore and that it's the end and there's no way out.
You think people self harm for fun?
They do it when they don't find any other way out. No other way to get rid of the dull ache that has settled within them, in their core. And they decide to harm themselves, hoping it'll help.
But does it really help? No.
Self-harm can happen in loads of way. Not eating, not sleeping as methods to punishing yourself. Those thoughts, 'monsters' within your head telling you to do things you wouldn't have thought of either way. And it's all something you don't have control over. Cutting wrists, cutting down on the things you like-there are multiple ways to harm oneself. One includes, bottling up your emotions to the point where it hurts physically.
You know there's something there in your head telling you to do things.
But you can't control it.
And even if you do control it for a while, you go back to it even when the slightest of triggering moment happens with you.
People don't give up just for the sake of it, rather they give when they see no way out. And no way out doesn't often mean literally no way out, but metaphorically they can't find anything that make them like they were before.
Being what you used to be, or hoping you could be your past self is simply pointless! Things change, you change. You can't go to a past version of yourself because it's over. Like the time that keeps on moving, the needle of the clock that keeps on revolving, you do, as well. Time changes, situations change, you change.
You live in phases, phases wherein there are moments or things that kill you within that phase. And when the phase is over, a new you takes birth.
Character development, we call it sometimes.
Often by the end of a phase you think it's over.
That you're over.
But it's not so.
You're not over. It's just a phase. Literally and metaphorically.
It might be too hurting, might make the normal task of existing seem too hard, but just know, that it will pass, you have to let it pass, only then will you evolve.
Only scientific evolution doesn't occur with us humans, an emotional one does as well. A mental one. Where we move from one state of survival to the other and we exist differently than all our existences in our past phases.
And if you can't get over a phase, frankly, you don't deserve the life you have.
You need to be stronger, for your own self, because there maybe no one. Sure, you can take help. There may be a lot of someone(s) who could help you. But they could only help you.
Because in the end, it's you who has to put in inside yourself, that strength, the thought:
I'll do it. I'll let it pass. I'll not let these monsters within me hold onto me, I'll prove to them I'm stronger.
And my love, it isn't a work of a day, a month- just like trauma, you can never forget but you can learn to live with it, help yourself to the actual happiness in life out there whilst minimizing the bad, the sad memories within. Cover them up with the good ones. If no one else can create them for you, create some good, happy memories for yourself, by yourself.
Begin again. Don't look back. Begin once more, a new chapter, as you must.
Phases can go from being happy to sad, to seeming like forever happy to forever sad.
Life is a phase as well.
Like chapters to a story, once one ends, another begins. Don't stop reading.
We live in phases, we pass some, we get stuck in a few. We end in some, we let them end for us in a few.
Life is just a phase summarizing all the phases and you got to agree to that.
Like a story, you as the main character, with all the character development to go through.
It's so sad to see people giving up.
Yeah, they say don't do that to your loved ones!
But I say, don't do that to yourself!
You were given this life, and unlike everyone else's, yours is supposed to be different!
We all have different lives and we need to learn to live with them and not let the commoner rules divide us or make us realize how different we are from each other.
Because in the end, no matter the life, the circumstances, the issues, or the story,
We are human beings.
And we got to live the way we have to.
Not give up.
Please don't give up.
For yourself. For that past self of yours. For that little child that grew up with so many hopes to be you. Don't let your inner child down, your present self down, your future self down.
You walked all those years, what's stopping you now?
A puddle? A rocky slide? Broken path? A cliff? What else?!
You can walk on!
Take time sure, decrease the speed, change your methods, but walk on.
Slowly, even stumbling...but you'll manage.
I trust you, you'll manage.
'In three words, I can sum up everything I've learned about life: it goes on.'
- Robert frost
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